Baby Still Got Back

Well, I finally got the information from my insurance company that I have been requesting, about the surgery, the complete requirements, yadda, yadda, yadda. The gist is this: I have to be twice as heavy as I should be in order to qualify for the surgery. Technically, I am that. But to lose half my weight means I would be in a size 6 or 8. Then, when you figure in all the hanging skin, I would probably be a size 12. I had never thought of a size number, or a goal weight. All I am thinking is that I want to be thin and pretty. The pretty part....well, I won't even go there. You have to be pretty in the first place. But I can be thin. I just don't want to be anorexically thin. I never imagined I could be that small. I still don't think so, even though Carrie thinks it could happen. What if I look really old? Maybe I should start wearing makeup. I try that now and then, but I just don't have the patience, or maybe the confidence in my own looks to do it. Sometimes, no, most of the time, I think: why bother? No one's looking anyway. And shouldn't people think I'm okay without makeup? Okay, enough of that. I'm taking the letter I got from my insurance company, and showing it to my dietician and my doctor, and see what they tell me. Now that it's getting down to the wire, I want to make sure everything is in place.
My daughter and I have decided that in March or April, I'm going to have a big yard sale, and sell all of my fat clothes. I have other stuff to get rid of too. Then I can use that money to buy new clothes, and maybe a gym membership (grin). Okay, maybe not that last part; I hate to exercise. I know I have to do it, and I do my treadmill every day.
Maybe in the spring, I can think about getting another dog. The thought of doing it now just breaks my heart. I still miss Walter, and really don't even want to start thinking about replacing him. If I ever get to that point, I would take the dog for walks every day. I like doing that; I know it's good for the animal, and I don't have to focus on the benefit for me.
It's coming soon. I will soon start looking for a photo that I can post for my "before surgery", and then sometime in the spring, or maybe around my birthday, I can post another one. Then, maybe, a final one in a year or so. (Maybe I'll wear makeup for that one. :))
I am going to have to be thinking about how to get cosmetic surgery to remove the skin. I know I won't have the money, and I know that insurance won't pay for it. Therefore, I have to get someone to either sponsor me, or be part of a huge makeover that includes the cosmetic stuff to remove unnecessary skin. But that's down the road. In the meantime, I have to focus on my eating habits, what I need to continue doing, and things I need to stop doing. That's all for now, folks.